Refuge Farms (www.refugefarms.org)

Many times in this adventure I call Refuge Farms, I have witnessed this thing we call “Magic”. It is a connection and a spiritual level thing that I am at a loss to describe. I cannot cleanly or clearly define it but it is here. I know it and others, too, have witnessed it. It gives me some comfort when others witness it and they, too, struggle with the words to describe what they have just seen with their very own eyes.

But the “Magic” this past week has been spent on me. And for that I am grateful because this past week, I have needed “it”. And without fail, “it” was there every time I reached out for “it”.

Once in the past week, our energy healer, Cathi, called unannounced just to see how I was doing. Funny how she knew I was in a corner and needed a bit of encouragement and support. Funny how she knew just to listen while I tried to convince her – and myself - that I was fine and really okay. Funny how I was screaming for help inside and her call came right on cue. Thank you, Cathi.

Once in the past week, our dear Webmaster called to see how things had transpired and he just listened. He tried humor and then stopped when he saw it wasn’t working that day. And then he just listened and offered his support when I asked. Then afterward, he was still there for me, I know it, but he was quiet. So quickly, our friendship has developed and Vincent has learned when to be quiet. Thank you, my dear Vincent.

Once in the past week, Paula took time out of her enormous responsibilities as a breadwinner and primary care giver and healer to come to THE FARM and help my body as it struggled with just plain wearing out. But Paula, too, took the time to listen as I described the aching and she helped my body support itself and deal with this wisdom thing some people call aging. And Paula, who took her precious time to question and listen, worked her magic. And I had a full night’s sleep without awakening in pain for the first time that I can remember since before the Open Barn. Thank you, Paula.

Once in this past week, LB stood quietly and just listened to me as I stated my distaste for some of the changes in my life as a result of the onset of winter’s cold. She looked me straight in the eye and just listened. And the medicine just poured out of her. And I felt better having stated my distaste out loud to another Human Being. And that Human Being did not chastise me or scold me or tell me that this was all my choice. Nothing was changed but I felt better and could now let the anger go off in to the atmosphere instead of harboring it inside. Thank you, LB, once again.

And throughout the week, Kathy has called and come and continued her works here. And each time, she brought her spirit and her smile with her. And each time she continued to work “around me” knowing something was weighing on me but being gentle and polite and sensitive to my need for privacy and giving me the space that I needed. And the hugs that I needed. Her newly acquired skills at loading round bales eased my mind considerably. The Herd has hay in front of them because of Kathy’s willingness to try something new and give one of the nicest fall days we will have this year to THE FARM. And I was able to minimize my time cleaning this week and not have to retravel in to town on the weekend because Kathy was there to help. Again. Thank you, my dear friend, Kathy.

Once in this week, our Veterinarian, Dr. Brian, came to THE FARM and worked his magic with some of The Herd. He removed points on teeth and even pulled one loose and hurting tooth from Sweet Lady Grey. Dr. Brian did all of this knowing it would be a bit of time before I could pay his bill but doing it all the same. Dr. Brian also extended his care by scheduling his next visit to perform the same magic on four more of The Herd. Bless your giving heart, Dr. Brian. And bless your skilled hands. In giving your skills to The Herd you are giving your magic to me as well. I feel a bit calmer inside, knowing teeth are better and getting better on our ministers.

And of course, it was our Tara who brought Dr. Brian to Refuge Farms. A future Veterinarian herself, she cares and tactfully works with me to educate me and try to teach me new things knowing my resistance to change and my “years of experience” will be obstacles to her. But she gently pushes forward and her impact is tremendous. Good work, Tara. You dance well in so many ways!

And as I sit here and write this, I feel the tears streaming. And I realize I owe all of you a thank you, as well, for just reading this and not judging. And not emailing me to say “Stop it! Stop feeling sorry for yourself!”. You allow me to go here and not be ashamed. You allow me to go here, talk about it, and then get out of it. Thank you, to all of you for allowing me this self-pity without judgment or disparagement.

But more than anything, I owe The Herd for this past week. They have allowed me to be impatient. And cross. And weepy. And late. And distracted. And careless due to that distraction. The Herd has sensed my uneasiness and done exactly what they needed to do. They have all, collectively, calmed down and come in to the barns and stood where they would be fed. And been patient when I forget to put their feed in front of them before I move on to the next barn. And not be pushy with me when I finally see my mistake and give them their supper… 45 minutes after everyone else!!

And they have opened the unlatched gates and stood in the entrance and looked at me to show me my oversight – doing the job that Lady-the-Dog would have done in warning me that I was leaving a gate open…but without trespassing out of the pasture. And they have stood and eaten at their designated place even though I have forgotten to collar them or hook them. They have known and done the routines all on their own because they knew I was “different”. And they did their very best to help me. Bless their hearts.

And they have allowed me those impromptu hugs and tugs that I have taken whenever I have felt the need – at 10pm or 2am. When I just HAD to have them, they understood and stood quietly while I soaked in their medicine. “Magic” I call it. What healing power their smell and their warmth has!

Even Jerry, the Roan Horse has been there this week for me. I have adorned him with a few select perennial bulbs and the power of his spirit was so great I could feel the pressure on my chest. He is still in my heart and just over my right shoulder. I do miss the hugs of him, but I hug his jar and smell his hair and just wait. And here he comes flooding me with his powers. What a private but powerful relationship we have. I am grateful.

This is naked stuff, this blog. But life and the pressures of life can weigh you down… at least once in a while. Life does have to get heavy sometimes. It did for me this past week. My Mom used to tell me that if life didn’t stress me sometimes then how would I know when life was good? The wisdom of that woman. And so I have grown enough in my trust and faith and support to be this naked out there….. for the whole world to see. Wow. I have come a very long way in such a short time.

Pastor Jean once asked me if maybe Andy Durco had given me this “making a difference” challenge that set off Refuge Farms just so Sandy Gilbert could find her soul. I pooh-pooh’d her. That is way too selfish of a mission to me. But I will be the first one to tell you that Refuge Farms is here so that Sandy Gilbert is able to be one of the many that finds their soul in the spirits of these horses and these caretakers. Now, that I’ll buy in to and agree with whole-heartedly. I know of which I speak and I am willing to share them. There is “Magic” here. It’s all around you. Just waiting to envelope you when you least expect it. And even when you most need it.

Blessings to all of you for caring and giving and supporting! I truly have healed from all of you and am traveling back to the center of my being…. as soon as I stop spinning!

Enjoy the journey of each and every day,
Sandy and The Herd of Healers