Refuge Farms (www.refugefarms.org)

On this warm but cloudy Sunday morning, I spent an extraordinarily long time in the barns. I cleaned barns and swept around the shoeing bed. I pulled all of the sawdust away from the walls to the center of the barn. I emptied wheelbarrows and practiced walking on four feet with the new little filly. I cleaned buckets. And I sat for a while just watching The Herd as they dozed after their breakfast. I allowed the filly to wander around the yard and to continue her searching for every single blade of tasty grass that she could find to hoover.

The birds are flocking up and the geese and ducks are practicing overhead in their still uneven formations. Little Man waited patiently for me in the driveway as I putzed for hours. When the telephone rang, I answered it and found it to be one of The ‘Other’ Herd just checking on me and updating me on plans and accomplishments. I was feeling no hurry to leave the barns this morning. However, I had come to a very important conclusion as I finally did head up to the house.

Just as I was closing the door, I took a look up in to the rafters of the barn and said out loud, “How rich am I!”

And I say this with all the sincerity and honesty of any other time I have expressed my wonder at what surrounds me. And even this week, the last week of September 2007. This week in particular, I am a bit uneasy unlike any uneasiness I have ever felt since Refuge Farms was formed. You see, Thursday of this week I was told that I was done. This was my last day at my job. Without warning, I was “downsized”. I am unemployed.

The economy all over the country is causing many people to experience the same feelings that I just felt and am still feeling. The panic and knots in your stomach. The question that keeps repeating itself in your head: “Why? I was doing my job and no one had told me I was doing it poorly or unsatisfactorily, so why?” The loss of purpose when on a weekday morning you awaken to realize you can take your time – you don’t have a desk waiting for you at work. The worry about the customers you left without begin able to explain. Wondering what they are being told and do they know you well enough to know you wouldn’t just walk out on your own? But more than anything, the worry about your dependents. How will I feed them? What if they get sick?

My banker is a most understanding man, thank heavens! I visited with him Friday afternoon and told him the news. We agreed on a plan and I am working that plan. My throbbing headache began to ease a bit after that meeting with my banker. I am blessed to have someone so understanding and willing to work with me as the representative of the company that holds the paper on this property. Now, it’s in my lap to work the plan and keep him posted.

Just earlier this week, I took a telephone call from a woman who had just lost her job, too. She was worried about winter coming and her ability to feed her two horses and herself. I explained our adoption program and told her Refuge Farms would do its best if it came to the point that she needed to surrender her horses. The thought of it hurt her deeply, I could hear that, but she loved them more than she loved owning them. And so we said good-bye with a plan in place. Now she just needs to work her plan and keep me posted. And even more now, I can relate to her anxiety and her tears.

Life is a challenge at times. Life has curves in the road that we can’t see around and we are afraid of boulders or trees in the road ahead. Life can be stressful and worrisome. Life can make you lose sleep and somehow take your drive to accomplish things away. For a while anyhow.

But as I told some guests at THE FARM yesterday afternoon, this is where I am supposed to be and here is where I will stay. Don’t know how just now. Can’t seem to find the answers yet, but I’m here. And I have faith.

“Like that bucket in your barn, eh?” was the response from my guests. “Exactly like the blue bucket in the barn,” was my response.

That blue plastic feed bucket hanging in the barn from the center rafter has black electrical tape on the outside.
The tape makes big, block letters on the front of the bucket that say “F A I T H”. That bucket has hung in the barn for the crossing of Andy. For the crossing of Jerry, the Roan Horse. And directly over Big Guy as he crossed. That bucket has hung in the barn when I opened the feed bins praying that there would be enough feed left in the bottom for one more round of feedings - and not having a clue where the next bag of feed would come from. That bucket has hung in that barn on the freezing morning when I came in to find Big Jim just taking his last breath and my treasured time as I lay next to his face to feel his warm breath leave him. That bucket hung in the barn as I sang to ease Miss Bonita on her journey. A journey she did not want to take but knew, in her heart, that it was the journey destined for her and that when she was “there”, she would be whole and at peace.

And so now that very same Faith Bucket hangs in the barn as I stand under it wondering how, just how, I will manage to hold it together. No job. No health insurance. No paycheck. No house payment. Dear Lord! It is so easy to get overwhelmed and reduce yourself to a crying bundle. But that simple blue plastic bucket holds me together. That and our mission statement.

For in that mission statement it says, “I will watch over.” And usually, I explain that as me watching over them. Me being the caregiver and the guardian and protector and the healer of The Herd. Me watching over them.

But today, especially, I feel that some Power is watching over me. A Power much bigger and much more knowing than I. A Power that is encouraging me to have faith and trust in the things that I cannot see. A Power that says I am watching over you and them, Sandy. Work your plan. Have faith. Be true to your faith. Work your plan.

And so this Sunday morning, I am wealthy, indeed! I have friends who are like family. I have a support system that will catch me if I start to stumble. I have a Power watching over me. And I have a simple blue plastic bucket hanging in my barn that reminds me to have faith. To do good works and remember that those works do not go unnoticed. That what goes around comes around, just like the circle of our logo. And that faith will calm me and help me to work my plan. Have faith that what is on the other side of this curve in life’s road is good and solid and will be enough.

Scary times. And yes, I’m scared. I’m worried. And I’m not sleeping very well. And my head hurts. But you know what? I am safe. The Herd is safe. And with the arms of the Friends of THE FARM around us both, we will stay safe. Those arms and that blue plastic bucket hanging from the rafters of the barn.

Enjoy the journey of each and every day,
Sandy and The Herd